About four months ago my life was turned upside-down. I’ve written about it pretty extensively on this blog, but some things have occurred that I wanted to discuss, and I figured it was time for a dedicated post.
So lets jump in and see what it’s like for a hermit who has been alone for 13 years to use a dating app….
First Experience – Horrendous
I started out on two free websites, but I deleted my profiles within about three weeks of having them up. The issue was, I had the wrong mindset. Then again, I have the wrong mindset about this entire process because I can still feel the contentment I felt as a single person just four months ago and for the last 13 years. I don’t want to get married. I didn’t want to get married until the day God convicted me with, “You need to prepare for a future wife.” So, in reality, I should not even be on a dating website to begin with. I should simply be living my regularly celibate life, make room for this new discontent that has been given or quickened back to life for some unknown reason, and simply allow God to do what he’s going to do.
To be honest, I’m not certain how I’m supposed to prepare for a wife other than to be open to the possibility of it if and when it happens. My first wife showed up out of nowhere one day to work a shift with me at our job. She was the sub from another office and just by chance the regular worker that I normally worked with had quit. This gave us several 8 hour shifts to work together without the whole situation being uncomfortable. So, it is entirely possible that God could and would do the same thing again. I could meet her while I’m out paddling on the lake in my kayak. I could meet her while I’m sitting on my front porch or while I’m out in the yard gardening. I could meet her at work. Or I could meet her just wandering around in the woods. I really shouldn’t give it a single thought on the how’s and why’s, especially since I really don’t want it to happen in the first place.
But, I go online and I try to “find a future wife” instead of “prepare for a future wife.” Yes, it’s a problem. I am a control freak and try to keep my hand on the tiller so I know where we’re going and there aren’t going to be any surprises.
It’s a lack of faith issue, I realize. And it is something I’m struggling with. Probably the reason why God set this whole thing up like he did in the first place. He loves to get in a teaching moment whenever he can.
It didn’t last long, though. On the first sight I never contacted anyone and never posted any pictures. But on the second site, I actually posted a picture and completed the profile. I reached out to two people. Both profiles said they were Christian. I contact the first one and she responded saying that I was too wholesome for her. She was interested in the BDSM community. I laughed out loud. I didn’t realize that was a happening community for Christians, but I suppose anything is possible, right? I responded back to her and said she was probably right and wished her luck in her search. The second woman I contacted was in a neighboring town. She responded and was rather enthusiastic. But I asked her about the church she attended (I just wanted to find out what kind of Christian she was) and it turned out she was from the Universalist church which translates new age. It was about that same time that I received an unsolicited message from a local woman. I looked at her profile. She was anything but a Christian, was interested only in casual dating, and from the pictures I immediately saw the jeopardy of talking with her at all. If I started I might just end up at her door and that would be all she wrote. That’s the kind of foolhardy thing I would do in my 20s. I’m not about to start that again in my 40s. Without responding to either of them, I simply deleted my profiles entirely.
Paid For Service
But, that isn’t the end of my online dating fiascos. No. Because I’m a first class glutton for punishment, a month or two later, I went looking again, thinking maybe the problem was I was using free sites instead of paid sites. Plus, a few of the paid sites boasted they were good for Christians to find wives or husbands (but to be honest, I really just wanted to prove to God that there was no such thing as a biblical wife). I signed up for one and stayed on the free version, mostly out of fear, and a little because I’m rather cheap to begin with. Then one day I get an email and it’s a request to meet from a woman about 100 miles north of me.
In a word, she was beautiful. Dark hair. Beautiful face. Slender. And she was a Christian also. It was actually rather suspicious, but I’m not going to admit that after the fact. It was just the motivation I needed to throw down $100 on an annual membership. Once I was signed up, I responded to her with all the anticipation of a giddy schoolgirl. What happened? When I logged back on the next day, her picture was gone from my connections tab, her profile was gone, and no message at all. At this point, I’m thinking one of two things happened. 1. She panicked and deleted her profile (like I did a few months before). 2. She took one look at my picture and removed the contact so I can’t see her profile anymore. 3. She wasn’t actually real and the dating app site is sending fake accounts of beautiful women to guys to keep them motivated and on the site. It’s possible this is even in the algorithm they use for both genders to keep them guessing and clicking.
But, of course, I’m still the bigger fool that I’ve always been when it comes to women. I did not like the dating app I was currently on (and had paid $100 for a quite possible fictitious connection), and in some reviews I read this other site was better for serious relationships. The site I was currently on was more geared toward casual dating. That’s just great.
So I sign up for the free account on the other site and as I’m poking around I get a message from a woman, but I have no way to access it unless I pay the subscription fee. I pay and get the message and reply back, only for there to be no response.
Hoodwinked again. What’s wrong with me? But, I try to make the best of it. I recognize that I’m really just wasting my time on these sites. No one is going to want to date me. I don’t even want to date. I’m looking for a wife, not some casual hookup. So, then it dawns on me, maybe that should be what I put in my profile. That will not only keep things out of the friends with benefits arena, but it will let everyone know what I’m looking for.
I spend a week putting together a profile that says point blank that God has convicted me that I need to prepare for a future wife and so I’m here looking for just that. No hookups. No casual dating. I’m looking for someone who is very serious about marriage and a biblical marriage more specifically. I then start looking at matches, contacting women, and in the end, I discovered a few things.
I Fall Too Quickly
First off, this website is better because it has a comprehensive quiz that matches everyone, it has lots of descriptive profiles, and there are settings to weed non-believers from my matches (this is not my choice, but God’s, and yet, to be honest, I’m thankful that I’m forbidden to pursue a relationship with a non-believer. The temptation would be too great otherwise).
In the week I’ve been on, I’ve talked to a Seventh Day Adventist who seems annoyed to talk to me, a non-denominationalist who was very friendly until she asked me to post more pictures on my profile and then when I did she ghosted me (shocking – dodged that bullet). I spoke with one girl who really didn’t seem interested at all. I messaged a handful of women who don’t really log on very much at all so my messages are just sitting in their inbox unopened (why pay $150+ a year and never bother to actively engage)?
But then there was one profile I stumbled onto one day that caught my eye. It said in the description that she was not someone who went out to parties, but would more likely be caught inside reading books, having her nosed buried in multiple volumes, loved classics and was looking for a partner who enjoyed the same thing.
I sent her a message and, to my surprise, she replied back and started a nice conversation with me. We went back and forth a few times, talking about our favorite books, what books we were reading currently, how we started reading Russian literature in the first place, etc. Then our conversation quickly turned to Christianity. She was new to the faith and was just now reading through the Bible for the first time and we talked about her questions and her struggles and we talked about both of us being in the military in the past and about the state of the country and how it’s all connected to end times prophecy.
It was a great conversation, and I discovered rather quickly that I really liked this woman. She was moody and sullen and deep and thoughtful and she loved reading and seemed to like talking about the same philosophical subjects I did. She asked questions in return, actually engaged, and not with that noticeable tone that she was putting herself out to talk to me just to be polite.
But then I received no messages from her the next few days. That was it, I thought. I was certain. I would not hear from her again. She would ghost me just like that other woman did who asked for my pictures. And, I was okay with that. It’s kind of brutal. But what should I expect? I’m about 70 lbs over weight. I don’t have a whole lot going for me. I have a job and a car (apparently those are uncommon these days in the dating pools), but I live in a backwoods part of the country and make little money comparatively, so I realize I’m not a catch. But, I’m not looking for just any woman, either. I’m looking for the woman that God talked to me about, saying, “You need to prepare for a future wife.” How else am I supposed to meet her, I tell myself, rationalizing away my actions (and my money) if not online? That’s where people meet and fall in love today, right?
Then I wake up and, to my surprise, there is a new message waiting for me from this mysterious woman. But, as I’m steeling my soul for the “let down” message, I start reading and discover she’s actually responding to what I wrote. She’s answering my questions. She appears interested. How is that possible? She tells me about her troubles in the military and how she’s doing a lot better now, and some of the questions she’s been wrestling with.
I find myself grinning from ear to ear as I write back, utterly shocked that she responded at all. Then it dawns on me. I’m falling for this girl way too fast. I have no idea who she even is. She might be like the operator at work who I asked out and she accepted, then once we set a date for coffee she informs me that she’s engaged! What? Then why were you flirting with me on the phone?
But I discovered a few other things while I was responding. I realized that I’m no longer afraid like I used to be with women. In my 20s I so wanted a wife, so wanted to be in love, that any failure, any rejection, was immediately seen as the end of the world in my eyes. I was desperate. I was lonely. But, I realize that I’ve now spent the last 13 years alone – happily alone. God sustained me during those years, gave me such contentment and peace, that rejection doesn’t actually bother me anymore. Well, I mean, it does bother me, certainly. But not like it used to. When the photo girl asked me for more photos and then abruptly stopped chatting, it’s pretty clear she’s rather shallow – or at least she has some pretty superficial standards. Then again, I can’t blame her all that much. As I said. I have some issues that I can’t seem to resolve. It’s going to take an open minded woman or someone who has a particular grace from God to look past those issues. If I want to date shallow women then I need to lose 70 lbs and work out more. I need to get a full time job and make a lot of money, buy a flashy car so I can showcase that I’m a good mark for marriage and divorce down the road, so they can take half my loot and half my paycheck. I know that was the issue with the girl from Arizona. She was living it up on her ex-husband’s alimony, yet trolling online for a new sugar daddy to fund her travels and trips. When she found out that I worked part-time, she immediately replied, “Oh, I don’t think we have a connection and I don’t want to lead you on.” My response, Thanks for doing me the favor. If you’re focused on bank account balances, you are not the woman for me.
Regardless, the interaction I’ve had with this sullen woman has made a few things very clear to me. I’m not interested in settling like I would have done in the past. If I were I would be asking out my co-worker whose been interested in me for years now. I would have accepted my high school girlfriend’s request to get back together years ago. No. Just because God says to me that one day in the future I’m going to be married, and maybe I should get ready for that reality, doesn’t mean I have to compromise my faith, my convictions, or even my personal preferences.
The one thing this girl has shown me, regardless if anything actually comes of our conversations, is that she is the kind of woman I could marry. Sullen. Deep. An intellectual, but someone who is not a deranged liberal. She’s a believer but not the traditional, cookie-cutter protestant. She’s interested in the mystical, the deeper things of God. For the first time in my life, I find myself thinking I would actually convert to Catholicism if we were together and she asked. I would certainly go to mass with her. I’m not going to pray to Mary or to the saints. I don’t have any kind of conviction to submit to the authority of the Pope or Cardinals or even Priests (maybe if they stopped diddling little kids I’m have a modicum more respect for them – and the protestant leadership is no better it seems). I also have found myself the last few days talking to God about this girl at length. I recognize how unrealistic it is to think anything could ever come from this connection. But, I have expressed to him how this woman is the ideal woman in my mind. She has the characteristics and traits that I’m truly looking for. Not necessarily someone who is a “biblical wife” in the sense that she submits to her husband and wears modest clothing. But a companion, a helpmate, a fellow researcher who wants to spend her days reading and sharing books together, spending hours in bed discussing the finer points of the Summa Theologica. An artist. Someone who is eccentric. Who is a mystery to me. Someone who, just thinking about her excites me.
And I find myself, probably for the first time, really wanting to just get to know this woman. It’s okay if she has no interest in me. It’s okay if she has a boyfriend or a husband (well, that’s not really okay actually). I’ve found that I just really enjoy talking with her and hearing her opinion on the same things that I’m passionate about.
In her last reply, she even asked me what my dissertation topic was. No one asks me those kinds of questions, ever! No one cares about what I wrote my dissertation on or even that I did a dissertation in the first place. I never course get my wife to study the Bible with me after we were married either.
I don’t want to date her (no, I want to marry her and spent the rest of my life at her side trying everything I can to make her happy and fulfilled and feel save and loved and cared for). I just want to get to know her. Really, I’m looking at this point for just one more response from her where she answers just a few more of my questions.
Yet, through all this, at the very same time, I can feel the other life in me existing, continuing on. The life that I had just four months ago, living to study, living to read, living to taking walks in the woods by myself. Spending most of my off days alone and blissfully so. I can remember stepping through the front door of my house on Christmas Eve and closing the door behind me and just standing there for several minutes, listening to the silence. Just enthralled by the reality that there is not a single other soul inside these four walls of mine. I am utterly and completely alone. I have no responsibilities. I have no expectations from another. I have no obligations. I take a deep, cleansing breath, and move through the darkened house and turn on my Christmas lights, not because my wife wants me to, but because I like them and they remind me of Christmas when I was a kid and I would build a blanket fort next to the Christmas tree and sleep out there so I can catch Santa in the act (I never did).
I know it would be a true modern day miracle if this woman was the least bit interested in me. It would be the impossible coming true if somehow our stimulating conversations grew into something else entirely.
But I don’t care. I know the limitations of my sphere of influence. I’m just thrilled this woman bothered to even give me the time of day. I’m just inspired to have found a kindred spirit in this dark and abysmal hell that we live in.
Update: So, it’s been a few days since I wrote the above, and here is the update on the girl I was writing about.
In her next message to me, she states that she had spent the whole day before thinking about me. That she needed a minute to think through things. Then she answers some of my questions and then states that she would like us to have a video phone date, if that was possible. I agreed, and we set up a time for that evening.
I get off work, drive home, and then anxiously tear through my house trying to find a presentable location where I can video chat with this woman. With a great deal of fuss, I finally find a spot, settle in, and ring her through the app. She picks up and, I have to say, the pictures on the dating app do not do her justice. The woman is unbelievably beautiful! What is going on here? I know what’s going on. Just like I had convinced myself on the drive home, she was not actually interested in me, but in the subjects we had been talking about. God. Theology. Books. But, I notice something already immediately. She is really, really nervous. I mean, she appears to actually be more nervous that I am. So, I start out wanting to resolve this uncertainty right away. I ask her if she was really interested in me, romantically, or if she was more interested in the subjects we were discussing. And she responded that, yes, she was definitely interested in me, wanting to know if we were compatible. In fact, she said that she had initially responded because of my profile, that I was upfront, honest, straight forward, that I was looking for a wife, that I wanted a biblical marriage, and that I liked to garden, etc.
Unfortunately, the call only lasted a few minutes before the internet stopped working properly. Just before the line went dead, she gave me her phone number. Then the call ended, I got up and went back into the living room where I could relax in my hammock, and dialed her number. She answered immediately, and that started what would be a long phone date, the first I’d had in over 13 years.
I will say it went pretty well. Really well, actually. She was very unclear if she wanted to move forward when we first started talking. After all, she was very nervous, was very shy, and we were just getting to know each other. But our guards came down about two hours in and we were laughing and joking around and talking about conspiracies and then she told me she was a flat earther (I really don’t know much about this whole theory). But, during that four hour conversation, I got to know her a great deal more than I initially did from the text chat sessions online. She was flighty. A little touched in the head (aka crazy). But, there was actually something about that craziness that was really attractive to me. I smiled every time she would curse or get excited about something. I tell you, she could talk incessantly, and I was happy to just sit back and listen. We ended the conversation at about 11pm and I quickly drifted off to sleep.
The next day was hell for me. I texted her when I got into my car, stating that I enjoyed our conversation the night before, thanked her for talking to me, and wished her a good day. But as the day drug on, I noticed she never responded to my text.
By the end of the day, I made the decision that I would not reach out to her tonight, but would wait until tomorrow afternoon. I didn’t want to come off as too pushy or needy. So, I settled in for the night and started watching a documentary on the flat earth, do a little research for the next time I talked to her (I secretly hoped she would call me, but she never did).
About 9pm I thought maybe I could text her and say I was watching the documentary she suggested. Any excuse, right? So I sent the text, and as I suspected, she texted right back, stating that was a bad documentary that I should try a different one. After we went back and forth with titles, she finally responded with, “Is it alright if I call you?” I agreed and my phone started to ring.
I was thrilled. I had been thinking about her all day and all I wanted to do was have another conversation with her. But there was a nagging question in the back of my head. Was acceptance of the flat earth theory a requisite for a future with this woman?
We talked again for two more hours. After we got off the phone, she then texted me a few more times, finding the documentary that she really wanted me to watch. She said she was really going to go to bed this time, and said goodnight. I dittoed her goodbye, and added in that I would talk to her tomorrow (that’s right, now I get to call her tomorrow and not feel as if I’m crossing a line).
But, I’m starting to sense a real problem with this girl. The first issue is she is not actually the individual I thought she was when I was just text messaging her on the dating app. She’s not an artist – you know, painter, sculpture, etc. She’s a graphic artist, comic books, etc. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s not the picture I had initially formed. Second, I really think I’m projecting onto her my feelings that God gave me several months ago – the love for another person. But I’m wondering if she’s actually the one in question. The biggest question is, I thought she was an intellectual. Someone who could match me in reading and study of the Scripture, in philosophy. But, after conversing with her now for over 6 hours, I can confidently say that is not the case. She is really stuck in this conspiracy theory logjam and can’t seem to really free herself from it. I don’t think I would be intellectually stimulated by that if I’m trying to have a serious discussion with her about the Bible or the supernatural realm, and she every time brings it back to the earth being flat. I don’t want to wake up next to her in 4 years and dread her waking up because she’s going to drone on about this or that. I had planned to invite her on a travel trip with me in the near future. But now I’m hesitant to do so. If I thought there was a real connection there, I would definitely spend the money. But with the skepticism that is growing inside, I don’t want to throw good money after a bad relationship.
Plus, there is also another problem that has quickly arisen. We are no longer talking about anything else. We’re not talking about relationships. We’re not talking about marriage. We’r not talking about compatibility. All we’re talking about are conspiracies. Mind you, I don’t mind those subjects at all. I don’t mind watching the flat earth documentaries. I find it quite interesting. I doubt, though, that I will ever be won over to her side on the subject. Personally, I just don’t care one way or the other. Flat. Round. An infinity symbol. It’s all the same. The earth and everyone on it at the end of days will burn with fire and the earth will be destroyed and will melt away. I’m more concerned with whatever conspiracy is happening in the supernatural realm, why we are not given the full story about redemption, about where it is we are going after the resurrection or what we will be doing there.
In the end, it turns out, I actually do want a biblical marriage that is driven by the biblical text with a wife that is focused on God and the Bible and the study of Scripture and someone who is able to discuss theology and philosophy in depth. As as I might like the idea of this woman, I’m doubting if she will be able to keep up conversationally.
There is also another very important issue, and that is her immaturity in Christ. Not that she is acting as a child, but she is new to the faith. I went through this with my first wife, and though this new woman has come to the faith or at least to some kind of knowledge of God outside of my influence, I wonder if she is truly saved at all. She does profess to be a Christian. But I’m not certain that is a confession of Jesus as Lord and a belief that he was raised by God. It is disconcerting to say the least. While she did request (on her own volition) the web address for the school I volunteer at so she can start bible classes, she did not mention it in our second conversation, so I’m wondering how clear her resolve really is toward God and his Word, as compared to it being clearly resolved when it comes to conspiracies, etc.
In the end, I am going to just let our communication play it’s course. She was obviously interested in talking to me again, so it is quite possible me not jumping to call her as soon as I got off work paid off. But, I can’t help but suspect if I had texted her with any other information other than “I’m watching flat earth videos” she would not have responded at all or wanted to contact me. I also wonder if our newly formed relationship has shifted from the pursuit and exploration of marriage to a long-distance echo chamber where she can talk to someone else about her views and beliefs about the world around her.
At some point soon, I’m going to have to confront this issue, simply because I have no interest in pursuing a casual relationship, be it platonic or physical. I am pursing these activities purely and solely to find the helpmate God has predestined for me to find. I’m not interested in a social gathering. I’m looking for a wife.
The Other Option
There’s also a flip side this this living travesty because I actually made another connection that I can’t decipher completely. As a little background, when all this started, and when I finally came to terms with it and stopped fighting it altogether, I asked God for several things. If I was being called once again to married life, there were certain conditions I needed to request. Not requirements, but requests in accordance with Phil 4:6. I asked for the following things:
1. That the woman I’m to marry would be a deeply rooted biblical believer. That she would be serious about marriage and that she wanted to be a biblical wife.
2. That she would want to, be thrilled to, study the Bible with me, every day. That she would want to pray with me, for me, and that we would have a Christian, complimentarian home.
3. There were also several other lesser request such as she would have a high physical appetite to match my own so there would be no coercion but that our union would be mutual and effectual and explorative. I also asked for her to be kind, considerate, honest, and very affectionate just in daily life.
To my surprise, I stumbled onto a profile that caught my eye. She is not like the first woman – the ecstatic mystic who I think would more likely lure me to my death in the seas (well the flat earth seas) rather than capture my heart. No, after striking up a conversation with this other woman (or, rather, she struck up with me), I discovered, one by one, all the request I made of God in my prayers, this woman embodied. She wanted to be a godly woman. She wanted to be a godly wife and have a biblical marriage. She wanted to study and read the Bible with her husband every day. We talked at great length about our previous marriages, how they went horribly wrong, about the pain that those experiences caused.
I found it interesting that she had several kids, none her own. In fact, she had a foster home for kids and this allowed her to stay home, and homeschool the kids she had adopted over the years. It immediately sprang to mind the fact that just a month or two before, I had argued with God against me having any children of my own, and supernaturally, in the instant I was praying and arguing with him, he simply took my argument from me. I was left both being able to argue against having children in this day and age, but also wanting children nonetheless.
The more she talked, the more the words were exactly as I had put them in my prayers. There was some trauma, and it seemed as if she suffered from abandonment as much as I did. She also had moved back to my home town, a place I would never want to live again. Then I catch a few comments she made about the kinds of things they did at the churches they belonged to, and pieced together the fact that she was most likely charismatic.
So, here I am with potentially the perfect wife candidate. She is serious about marriage. She is serious about God being central in that marriage. But she lives in the wrong town. The situation with the children is rather tenuous for my comfort level. Not only are there a lot of children (but then again, neither of us would have to work jobs so it could be fun just raising the children and having a home life), but some of them are young enough that we would still have children at home in our 60s! Additionally, she lives in a town that I have no interest living in. It would be different if she lived in one of the surrounding suburbs (not by much though). My ex-wife and her second husband live in this same town. Her entire family lives in that town. My entire family (which I’m not exceptionally close to) lives in that town. This is the same town I fought tooth and nail to escape from after my divorce. Then add to that the doctrinal differences; I’m pretty certain this is not going to work out.
Update: So, this is what has transpired since writing the above. She has expressed a great deal of interest in this newly formed relationship, though she has stated that she completely understands that we are just having a conversation at this point and neither of us are under any kind of obligation to the other. Come to find out, she is not charismatic as I had thought. It was her previous husband who was a part of that movement and she attended those meetings out of submission to her him. In actuality, she holds the same conclusions I have, that tongues are the supernatural ability to communicate in a known language that you did not learn. She seems to reject the word-faith movement entirely.
Additionally, she has expressed a great fondness for my writing, for my depth of knowledge in the Scriptures, and has commended me on my passions and beliefs concerning how a marriage should operate according to the Bible. Currently she is responding to a response from one of her prompts concerning the objections I have to the modern church organization, especially to evangelicalism. It is apparent that her previous husband was in rebellion to church authority and I think this is causing some concern for her. I don’t blame her.
There is an additional third woman’s profile that I found this evening that is quite interesting. She is a very conservative Christian, appears to be well grounded in the faith and is looking for a man who puts God first. It appears as if she is a fundamentalist, yet she still watches Seinfeld. What a fascinating combination. She appears almost to be the merging of the two previous women I just mentioned. Unfortunately, she lives in Maine. But, that is just a plane ride away, so I’m willing to start a long-distance relationship if she is interested. Only time will tell.
Update on the third woman: Shortly after I wrote this, the third woman came back online and first liked a section on my profile, then, apparently found something she didn’t like, and severed the connection in the app. It just goes to show you – I have terrible instincts when it comes to dating.
All in, this particular dating app has been an interesting experience, in that I am getting out of my comfort zone and having actual conversations with the opposite sex. It is, if nothing else, getting me accustomed to conversing with people again, and it is also putting a carrot directly in front of me so that I get to work on cleaning up the house and making it presentable to whomever my future spouse will actually be. Only time will tell. I can never predict what God is going to do or how he’s going to do it in my life until well after it has already occurred. Then, in hindsight, I can see clearly God’s fingerprints all over my life.
Until my next post….
Please consider supporting my writing, my unschooled studies, and my hermitic lifestyle by purchasing one or more of my books. I’m not supported by academia or have a lucrative corporate job – I’m just a mystical modern-day hermit trying to live out the life I believe God has called me to. So, any support you choose to provide is GREATLY appreciated.
Excerpt from Sacred the Circle:
There was a knock at the door.
Campbell got up from the chair and crossed the small distance so he could open it.
A young man stood in the doorway, probably in his early twenties.
Campbell could tell he looked a little disheveled.
He had deep rings around his eyes, as if he hadn’t been sleeping much, and he kept checking the hallway in both directions, as if half expecting someone to be stalking him.
“Hey,” Campbell said.
The kid was stumbling over his own words.
Campbell leaned out into the hallway, checking to make sure there was no one else listening.
This guy wasn’t the only one who was becoming paranoid.
There were two students hanging out at the foyer, near the stairs, but the rest of the floor was clear.
“I’m sorry,” the kid said. “Must be the wrong place. I’m mistaken.”
He started to leave.
“Wait,” Campbell said, putting a hand out. “Hold on a second.”
The kid paused.
“What’s your name?”
He fidgeted with his collar.
“I know it sounds crazy, but – ”
“You’re not crazy, Lloyd,” Campbell said, grinning.
“Did you – ? ”
The kid paused, as if unsure if he should continue.
He looked back toward the stairs, then at Campbell.
“Did you know I was coming?” he finally asked. “I mean, that’s not possible, but, were you expecting me?”
Campbell chuckled to himself.
“What’s so funny?” Lloyd asked.
“Well – ”
Campbell pushed the door open all the way so Lloyd could see inside his dorm room.
The entire room was full of them, students, non-students, ranging from what looked like eighteen to even a few middle-aged men, scattered about the room, sitting wherever they could find a comfortable spot.
Lloyd’s mouth dropped open.
“I wasn’t really expecting them, either,” Campbell said. “So, I hope you don’t hold it against me when I tell you, I had no idea you’d be showing up here. Do you care to join us, anyway?”
Buy my book Sacred the Circle to find out what these men are hearing from the supernatural realm. Will they answer the questions tugging at them? What are the visions saying? Who are the Multitude? Why are all these men being brought together? By whom? And why, above all else, are they being convicted….to pray?
But, trust me when I say, you’ll be white knuckling this one with every turn of the page!